Anxieties of a first-time father
We fed the baby and changed his diaper. He was almost asleep when we put him in his nest between us to sleep.
It is midnight. This is the first time he has woken up tonight.
It is recommended to let babies sleep in their own bed as a countermeasure against SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). After two tries, it was clear to us that he cannot sleep alone in his bed. He needs us close to him to sleep. He sleeps in a baby nest between us now.
His breath is loud and fast. I know he is not in a deep sleep phase yet. I breathe louder than usual so that he hears me and knows that we are there. After a few minutes, he breathes quieter and more regularly. He is now sleeping.
I lie down on my back to sleep as well. A few minutes pass. I bring my ear closer to him to hear his breathing.
He is too precious to us, and too fragile.
I touch back of his neck gently to check if he is cold or not.
Tonight, as I wanted to put him in bed, I let his feet fall by mistake. Did it hurt him? As I changed his diaper, he was not moving his feet as much as usual. I moved his feet to check if he complained. He didn't. I hope it didn't hurt him.
He is breathing very quietly now. I can barely hear him. I put my hand on his chest to feel his breathing.
My vacation is over next week. My wife has to take care of him alone during the day when I go to work. The last few days, we were doing it together and we barely managed to do anything else. Hopefully, it is not too much for her. Hopefully, I can manage my work matters at the office, so when I am home, I can devote all of my time to him. I do not want to miss these days.
I need to sleep a bit before he is awake again. Do not let these thoughts keep me awake.
I turn my back to him, hoping to fall asleep.
After a few minutes, I am awake again. I turn back over and put my hand on his chest to feel his breathing.